Saying goodbye to summer has been hard these past two years. I have recent memories of a hard winter that invades my thoughts sometimes. I remember that first year with Ellie when winter brought sadness. When the entire family was always sick, when we lived at the doctor. When Ellie was sick and Mya was waking up in the middle of the night throwing up. When summer came Ellie’s first year, it felt like a warm hug, a break in sickness and a reprieve from fear. I still feel that way about summer. This summer both kids have been well, Ellie has hit milestone after milestone, and it forces me to fear winter. To fear germs and regression. It forces me to constantly use hand sanitizer and wonder when our first sickness of the season will arrive. But amongst that fear I have to understand that illness can be part of life. That immune systems are stronger, that we can combat illness. That we have good doctors whom I trust. I can’t be scared of winter because winter can be beautiful. Snow flurries on little hands can be magical. Sitting by the fire, when the wind blows hard outside, can make a home feel safer than it ever has. Little boots and little gloves, red noses and sparkling eyes, I’ve decided that this winter I will forgo fear for magical moments. I will forget the memories in my mind that see winter as scary and summer as glory. Life is ups and downs, cold and warmth, sickness and health. Seasons come and go, I’m working on positivity, it has the power to heal wounds.
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