I just had a moment, and writing helps me process my life and how the events in it right now are shaping me. I am sitting with my husband and feeling that I had a wonderful day. Nothing special happened. We woke up late, I finished my coffee before it got too cold, we went to a park I’ve never been to before. But I had several moments today where I felt so lucky, where the feeling of luck filled me so full I felt as though I might burst. I feel happy and blessed on most days but for some reason today it felt all encompassing. I never saw my life as this. I didn’t think I’d have a daughter who had to undergo 20 casts in a year or a child with Down Syndrome and a heart defect. You don’t picture those things in your future. But I am realizing you cannot plan your life because wonderful things will be given to you and it’s your job to accept them and transform them into the perfection you had envisioned. Mya is my fighting super hero. She is strong and kind and brave. Ellie is my smiling angel. Her presence in my life has changed my thoughts on importance and I can’t wait to see all that she achieves. I know the day will come when Ellie teaches someone compassion, someone who had never met a person with a disability and their whole perception will be altered. I know that many years from now I will be thanking my children for all they taught me and hoping they learned even half as much from me as I Iearned from them. I am in love with this life, it is funny, and special, and hard, and tiring, and messy, and meaningful. If I could yell at myself 15 years ago and tell her life will be amazing, that what she needs will be right before her eyes, I would, but I suspect moments like today wouldn’t be as special. Isn’t it amazing that growing up I actually yearned for white picket fences, but I know that had I been given something other than what I have right now, I’d be fighting for the strength I feel just being in the presence of my girls. I had to write down this moment, so on difficult days I can feel this lucky again, feeling the bigger picture, the purpose in my life.
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