A Mya and Ellie Rule

That I may always be nervous of check ups. I suppose this may be my rule, but this blog is about the girls and only by association about me. I still get really nervous about check ups. For Mya’s club foot, I get this aching in the back of my head that the doctors will tell me it’s come back, that she’ll need more surgery. Mya’s foot has been fixed for two years, but the demon that is club foot can always come back. Every appointment in which we’ve celebrated her perfect foot has been echoed by a final note from a doctor, since we don’t know what causes club foot or how it responds to growth spurts there is always a chance of recurrence. Always. The chance lessens and lessens as she grows and apparently disappears after her final growth spurt around 18 years of life. But when the brace is gone and the muscles tighten, there may always be a chance of an issue. My stomach twists and turns before her annual check ups, they are like monsters hiding under my bed, I know they’re nothing to be afraid of, but I’ll give them respect just in case. Since Ellie has quite a few doctor’s appointments I can’t let myself be afraid of every one, so for now I’ll settle on her appointment with her cardiologist, which she has tomorrow. An EKG followed by an echocardiogram that should last about an hour. The first echo she ever had we were told she would need open heart surgery. The one prior to surgery was the first time she had ever been sedated. She’s had an echo every month since she was born. Tomorrow will tell us her heart is functioning well, no extra fluid, see you in a few months. It will be the last of her post op follow-ups. We are two months past surgery and ready to start a normal schedule in which echos will begin to spread out. I am a positive person, I have always been, I believe in the strength of my girls and their power to overcome obstacles, but I am also a nervous mom who cannot deny the possibility of a tiny monster hiding in our doctor’s waiting room. I know for certain he doesn’t exist, but the thought of him still scares me a little.

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